Erm yes....

My life is boring. I'm lying here on my bed (with the hard mattress that makes my insomnia worse) and I'm at a loss at what to type. Plenty of things have happened this week, but nothing worth mentioning. I mean, there are a thousand little moments that I have tucked away into my heart for safekeeping, but it's nothing I could share on a blog despite my TMI tendencies. And even if I did, there would probably be only one person reading it who would know what the heck I'm talking about anyway. If even that many. Not that anyone reads this at all. I figure nobody really cares about the thoughts and feelings of a little college sophomore in a little Tennessee town. That would just be stupid to think so in the first place. I've found that a lot of the time, people don't care about others because they're so wrapped up in themselves. It's just a fact of life. I know I do it too, Christian that I am. It's simply human nature. And that's something I fight against constantly, every minute, every second. I fight against my natural bent to be cruel and selfish, and just downright scum. But the beauty of it is that it's all taken care of. I don't have to worry about making a mistake. Because naturally it's bound to happen. But I have someone who knows me better than I know myself (and seriously, knowing who I am, I don't really like me), and guess what? He loves me anyway. He knows how cruel I can be to people. How selfish I can be. He knows the deepest darkest secrets of my life that very possibly no person on earth knows besides myself. But he sees beyond that. He's pushed it away and behind him, and all he sees is who I have the potential to be. And that is something that I find myself trying to grasp every day. But what I can grasp of it for now is enough to make me want to be that person that he sees inside of me. I want to be able to become that kind of a person. I'm sick of being who I am, sullied and dirty. I want to be clean and pure. And that is something worth striving for...